I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
