Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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