i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
