the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
