peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
