You can't motorboat a personality
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
