I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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