your thong is hanging out like whoa
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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