I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
