my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
