Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
