she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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