is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
