margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
