I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
