what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
