Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
