i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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