Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
