So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
50% drunk capacity currently
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
