If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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