We named our party play list daddy issues
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.