ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.