i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.