the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.