I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I want is dick and wine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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