quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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