remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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