I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
