Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
