Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think my vagina is haunted
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
