a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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