Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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