mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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