I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
