so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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