So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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