On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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