this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she pinky promised me she was 18
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
