just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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