Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
