from now on my penis is your penis
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You ruined the universe
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
