Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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