I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
not ubering you a puppy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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