Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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