I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
