Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
