So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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