just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
