Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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