It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
