i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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