whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize