Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
