No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
