Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Damn victory sex feels great
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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