would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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