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he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
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