You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
