I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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