Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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