i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
