Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
