I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
try to milk me bitch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
