Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
