Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
