You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
