She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
