Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
