he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
