i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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