Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
