Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
