When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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