I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize