Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
