Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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