i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
