i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
