I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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