Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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