also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
