I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
